Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher & In a Different Voice… by Carol Gilligan

What do you see as important things young women need to know (or be educated about) in today’s world that might be different from our parent’s generation?

I loved Reviving Ophelia (and it was only two cassette tapes for you busy moms). In a Different Voice… by Carol Gilligan let us expand beyond boys/men to understand how female development differs. Ophelia brought in the institutional/societal influences. In addition, we discussed parts that were "dated." Notes on Ophelia are below.

In adolescence, girls lose:
• Optimism
• Confidence
• Ambition
• Curiosity
• Risk-taking
• Voice (don’t express angers, don’t ask for help, desire to do whatever is necessary in order to be accepted)

And become:
• Easily offended
• Concerned with self-image
• Moody

Resulting in eating disorders, self-inflicted wounds, pregnancy, and being beaten up.

Which continues into adulthood feelings of:
• Shame of body
• Anger
• Feeling betrayed

They get the message to use make-up (look good), wear fashion (attract boys) and watch weight (work-out, diet) NOT to pursue careers and academics

They worry about looking good NOT feeling good – beauty becomes the defining characteristic of social success and one of the only/first ways to recognize people in a big crowded large society.

We need to teach girls how to feel pleasure in the “right” things. Teach them new ways to relax, enjoy life, and cope with stress. That being an adult is NOT ONLY about using chemicals, having sex, and spending money.

For healthy growth into an adult, we need:
• Love form family and friends
• Meaningful work
• Respect
• Challenges
• Physical and psychological safety
• Self-nurturing skills
• A sense of purpose and perspective
• Identity based on talents and interests rather then appearance, popularity, and sexuality
• Quiet places and times
• Good habits for coping with stress
• To feel emotionally connected to a whole

Good homes provide
• Protection and challenges
• Affection and structure

Girls need to learn that in a good relationship, people:
• Work together
• Talk
• Laugh
• Argue
• Have mutual friends
• Go on outings

Kids need places for:
• Talk
• Dance
• Play

Kids need more wholesome:
• Ceremonies
• Graduation
• Adult markers (without sex and drugs)

Ophelia died because she could not grow, she was the object of other’s lives and lost her true subjective self.

Some girls are “perfectly good carrots being cut into roses”