Questions (and a few of our thoughts)
9. The author shows that our
knowledge of gender and sexuality has come a long way in the past fifty years. What
surprised you most to learn? What questions do you still have?
- We
thought it was well-written.
- We
“got it” about gender identity, if we hadn’t before.
- We
understood the bathroom thing so much better. It's not just about having gender-neutral bathrooms, it's also about the opportunity to socialize with other girls (or boys)
- We understood the biology of gender better
- Almost all of us had a personal experience to share
- In our experience, we have had to be ready to everything: choosing a name (or a new name), learning new pronouns (every time they visit), be ready to accept gender nonconformity…
- The "identical twins" piece makes this so interesting from the biological perspective
- We understood the biology of gender better
- Almost all of us had a personal experience to share
- In our experience, we have had to be ready to everything: choosing a name (or a new name), learning new pronouns (every time they visit), be ready to accept gender nonconformity…
- The "identical twins" piece makes this so interesting from the biological perspective
1. The subtitle of Becoming
Nicole is “The Transformation of an American Family.” In what ways do you think
the members of the Maines' family transformed themselves over the course of the
book? How has the definition of the “average” American family transformed over
time?
- Wayne avoided the
discussion and let his wife handle it
- Wayne wasn’t outright
mean, but he didn’t let Wyatt go out in public as a girl
- Wayne changed when Nicole still
held his hand but Jonas didn’t anymore
- We think that in 50 or 100 years, your gender won't matter
- Folks who transition don't all go 100% the other way, they choose what kind of surgery and how they want to present themselves
- We think that in 50 or 100 years, your gender won't matter
- Folks who transition don't all go 100% the other way, they choose what kind of surgery and how they want to present themselves
2. Along the same lines, Amy
Ellis Nutt asserts that “the definition, the descriptive behaviors, the look
and feel and experience of gender have all changed over time.” Do you agree or
disagree? If you agree, how would you say these things have shifted over your
lifetime?
- Yes, the younger
generation, in particular, seems more open and understanding
- Yes, AND there are still
bullies
- Yes, in this country, AND
we discussed how other countries and even Native American tribal nations, see
gender differently, and always have. The
binary structure we are commenting on is very American.
- Clearly the LGBT laws and
marriage rights have impacted public perception, as well as people like Caitlyn
Jenner
- We couldn't understand why the dad couldn't do the "boy gendered" stuff with his "new daughter"
- There is really only one reason you would think to ask about your gender (when YOU are the one being harassed)
- There is a fear culture that male predators will dress as women and prey on females in the bathroom
- We couldn't understand why the dad couldn't do the "boy gendered" stuff with his "new daughter"
- There is really only one reason you would think to ask about your gender (when YOU are the one being harassed)
- There is a fear culture that male predators will dress as women and prey on females in the bathroom
3. How did Kelly’s
upbringing affect her expectations for her own children? How did Wayne’s?
Discuss how parental expectations can help or hurt children.
- Kelly already came from a
nontraditional family
- Dad/Wayne’s military affected
his “man’s man” ideology
- Wayne gets so much more credit because he was an extrovert (and Mom was an introvert), he did the public speaking, he seems to have made the most change
- Wayne gets so much more credit because he was an extrovert (and Mom was an introvert), he did the public speaking, he seems to have made the most change
4. What was it about The
Little Mermaid that made Wyatt/Nicole identify with the character? Were there
fictional characters who particularly resonated with you as a child?
- Felt like she was in the wrong
world
- Changed her body
5. Discuss the power of
clothes and other external gender markers. What aspects of your own appearance
do you feel are most important to your identity?
- Wyatt grew out hair at an early
age
- Feminine shoes
- Make up
- The uber-feminine piece is
disconcerting (nails, make-up, hair, etc.)
- There are so may socially constructed ideas, including being girly-girl after transitioning from male to female
6. What challenges did Twin/Jonas
face in having a transgender sister? How were those similar to and different
from the challenges any twin would face?
- He recognized that he has
a sister
- The resources and focus
was on the sibling
- Wyatt seemed more rambunctious
7. Nicole and Jonas went
into “stealth mode” for two years of middle school. Do you think this was
ultimately the right decision for the family? Can you think of other examples
of “stealth mode” or “passing” in history?
- So hard and sad,
soul-crushing
- Must have been very
difficult for everyone
- Puberty is the game changer (can't hide it anymore)
- Puberty is the game changer (can't hide it anymore)
8. As part of his campaign
to defeat Maine’s bathroom bill, LD 1046, Dad/Wayne wrote, “We have tried to live
our lives privately, but the stakes are now too high to sit on the sidelines.”
In what ways do you think an individual can make a difference politically?
- Protest
- Support legislators
- Run for local office
- AND in your personal life, think about accepting who your kids are and who they bring home and that any of the gender identifications can change from one visit to the next
- AND in your personal life, think about accepting who your kids are and who they bring home and that any of the gender identifications can change from one visit to the next
- People might think it's just cosmetic to have surgery (think of the different between breast cancer and transitional surgery)
- Some (conservative) folks think it is mutilation and mental illness
- What if you decision is wrong (when it is hormones before puberty)
- Some (conservative) folks think it is mutilation and mental illness
- What if you decision is wrong (when it is hormones before puberty)
Related movies and series
TransAmerica (movie with
Felicity Hoffman)
TransParent (Amazon series with
Jeffrey Tambor)
The Danish Girl (movie with Eddie
Redmayne)
I am Cait (about Caitlyn
Jenner)
Favorite quote from the book:
Upon hearing, “Don’t let
boys play with dolls,” well then that would mean “Every male is a doll away
from being a female”
Related videos
Heineken
Beer Commercial
Emmie
Smith's transition
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
National Geographic links to
articles
http://www.nationalgeographic.
http://www.nationalgeographic.
Woman
with Beard
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
