Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman

We started with a conversation about Twilight, first book in the Vampire series by Stephenie Meyers, comparing the movie to the book, because we had all seen the movie over the weekend. All of us agreed that many, if not most, things were not how we had imagined them from reading the book. And, some things were outright ludicrous, making us laugh hysterically at the movie’s portrayal. One significant piece we missed was Carlisle telling the family story through the photographs in his study. It was an interesting side trip. Anyway, on to “Queen Bees.”

OUR THOUGHTS
This book is the basis for the Movie Mean Girls. For the second month in a row we were joined by our daughters; two teenage girls. It was interesting to hear their interpretation of our “parenting style.” One said her mom was a little bit of each and the other said, “nope, nope, nope” as she scrolled through the list. I like to think I’m the “Loving Hard-Ass Parent” but who knows? We speculated a little on the other parents of daughters who we might know (the teenage girls had lots of opinions on this).

Parenting Style
Overbearing parent
Don’t ask/Don’t tell parent
The Worried parent
The lock-her-in-the-closet parent
Best friend parent
Private parent
No Privacy parent
Hip parent
Pushover parent
Benign/neglect parent
No excuses parent
The Loving Hard-Ass Parent

We really liked the part of the book which talked about how to be “safe” (dating, going to parties, hanging with friends, etc.). There was some good advice in there, including one of the “sex talks.”

Sex Talk
Knowing her boundaries
Safety in numbers
Date rape drugs
Recognize when you are in a dangerous relationship (physically, emotionally)

We thought that Wiseman’s “workshops” must be timeless, even though some of the roles and profiles seemed outdated. Whatever the kids in the classroom come up with in the “Act like a girl” and “Act like a boy” boxes must work for that generation.

Drama seems much more palpable in middle school and lessoning up in high school. We could identify ourselves and some people very clearly and thought that maybe all the roles mentioned exist, and others not mentioned may emerge here and there, too.

Boy Profile
Misunderstood Guy
Thug/Bad Boy
Nice Guy
Aloof/Distant Guy
Geek
Desperate Annoying Guy
Player Guy
Mr. Unattainable
The Good-Boy Jock

Guy Clique Roles
Leader
Flunkie
Thug
Get Wits (groupies)
Pot – the Group Equalizer

Girl Profiles
Boyfriend Stealer
Tease
Fruitcup Girl
Lesbian/Butch/Dyke
UberRep/Slut/Ho/Freak
In your face, angry girl
Quiet, morose girl
Big girl
Jock
Social Climber
Teacher’s Pet
Perfect Girl
Square
Actually Happy Girl

Girl Clique Roles
Queen Bee
Sidekick
Banker
Floater
Torn Bystander
Pleaser/Wannabe/Messenger
Target