Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman

We started with a conversation about Twilight, first book in the Vampire series by Stephenie Meyers, comparing the movie to the book, because we had all seen the movie over the weekend. All of us agreed that many, if not most, things were not how we had imagined them from reading the book. And, some things were outright ludicrous, making us laugh hysterically at the movie’s portrayal. One significant piece we missed was Carlisle telling the family story through the photographs in his study. It was an interesting side trip. Anyway, on to “Queen Bees.”

OUR THOUGHTS
This book is the basis for the Movie Mean Girls. For the second month in a row we were joined by our daughters; two teenage girls. It was interesting to hear their interpretation of our “parenting style.” One said her mom was a little bit of each and the other said, “nope, nope, nope” as she scrolled through the list. I like to think I’m the “Loving Hard-Ass Parent” but who knows? We speculated a little on the other parents of daughters who we might know (the teenage girls had lots of opinions on this).

Parenting Style
Overbearing parent
Don’t ask/Don’t tell parent
The Worried parent
The lock-her-in-the-closet parent
Best friend parent
Private parent
No Privacy parent
Hip parent
Pushover parent
Benign/neglect parent
No excuses parent
The Loving Hard-Ass Parent

We really liked the part of the book which talked about how to be “safe” (dating, going to parties, hanging with friends, etc.). There was some good advice in there, including one of the “sex talks.”

Sex Talk
Knowing her boundaries
Safety in numbers
Date rape drugs
Recognize when you are in a dangerous relationship (physically, emotionally)

We thought that Wiseman’s “workshops” must be timeless, even though some of the roles and profiles seemed outdated. Whatever the kids in the classroom come up with in the “Act like a girl” and “Act like a boy” boxes must work for that generation.

Drama seems much more palpable in middle school and lessoning up in high school. We could identify ourselves and some people very clearly and thought that maybe all the roles mentioned exist, and others not mentioned may emerge here and there, too.

Boy Profile
Misunderstood Guy
Thug/Bad Boy
Nice Guy
Aloof/Distant Guy
Geek
Desperate Annoying Guy
Player Guy
Mr. Unattainable
The Good-Boy Jock

Guy Clique Roles
Leader
Flunkie
Thug
Get Wits (groupies)
Pot – the Group Equalizer

Girl Profiles
Boyfriend Stealer
Tease
Fruitcup Girl
Lesbian/Butch/Dyke
UberRep/Slut/Ho/Freak
In your face, angry girl
Quiet, morose girl
Big girl
Jock
Social Climber
Teacher’s Pet
Perfect Girl
Square
Actually Happy Girl

Girl Clique Roles
Queen Bee
Sidekick
Banker
Floater
Torn Bystander
Pleaser/Wannabe/Messenger
Target

Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

Why was Hannah unable to deal with the things that happened to her? Why was she unable to get help/allow people to help her? What support did she or did she not have? What does her experience teach us about children, schools, and educators?

Jay Asher has a blog. This book has made the NY Times Best Seller list.

This is a fictional story of Hannah Baker. Before committing suicide, she sends a tape of 13 joined stories to those who she believes were instrumental in her death. One of the recipients is Clay Jenkins, who once had a crush on Hannah; he would have helped her if he could and listens brokenhearted to her tapes. It didn't pass by us that there were 12 "bad people" and one potential "savior." We've seen that number configuration before.

We were fortunate to have two teenagers join us for this meeting. They had also read the book and were generous in sharing their observations and experiences in High School. One of the teenagers had literally found the book on the floor (after seeing it in the hall for days), picked it up, and started reading it. She couldn't put it down and neither could we! The story draws one in and is riveting.

The following books/people were brought up during our discussion and informed our conversation. Some of us had seen these folks present in just the past 10 days or so and their ideas were fresh in our minds.

Rachel's Challenge is an anti-bullying program which focuses on spreading the "chain reaction" of kindness.

Ruby Bridges is still alive and for the past 8 years has been telling her story. Her first grade teacher, Ms. Henry, is also still living, and she lives in Boston.

Richard M. Lerner wrote The Good Teen: Rescuing Adolescence from the Myths of the Storm and Stress Years.

The teenager perspective reminded us that "this kinda of thing" happens. Nowadays, High School Freshman year is the pits! You're in/You're out of social groups. Bad reputations begin, sometimes started by your own best friends. They deal with it, why couldn't she? According to them, why was Hannah so whiny?

Interesting question. We noticed that her background story was missing. What was it like in the town where she used to live? Did she leave and move here to get away from another reputation? Where were her parents? Why didn't they notice and intervene? It seems Hannah didn't have near the same support these girls (our daughters) have. She had no where to turn, no one that gave her the extra special attention, and no sense of her own identity.

We thought the café book was a cool idea. Write a note in it and keep it in the store. Some bed and breakfasts places do that too!

We thought the "watcher" was an interesting character. What made Hannah choose him to hold the second set of tapes? What must it have been like to be the one to watch each person receive those tapes? Poor teacher, the last one to get it.